Movie Etiquette

So I went to the movies tonight with Brig and Amber to see "United 93". Great movie (see reviews) but horrible movie-mates. The lady next to me sits down about 10 minutes into the movie with a big smelly hot dog (eww! - love the taste, hate the smell!). Then she starts coughing. And coughing. And coughing. It gets to the point that the lady in front of us asks her if she needs water or fresh air. It gets to the point that I begin counting the seconds between coughs. Approximately 20-30 seconds for the entire hour and 51 minutes. I am not kidding. She had a napkin held up to her face for the whole time - she didn't even bother to take it off between coughs. This brings several things to mind:

1. What the heck kind of disease do you have that makes you cough for 2 hours straight?
2. What the heck kind of disease do you have that requires you to cover your mouth with a napkin for an hour?
3. Why the heck would you go to the movies with this mystery disease?!

So, I will take it upon my self to educate the free world through my blog. I assumed (and we all know what happens when you ass u me...) that people understood movie theatre etiquette. I now know that this is incorrect. Here's a little refresher course:

1. When you go to the movies, turn off your cell phone. I'm trying to get into the movie, which is why I'm in a dark theater, watching it on a ginormous screen. The last thing I need is your Britney Spears ring tone killing the mood.
2. Don't talk.
3. Don't bring smelly food. You're at the movies... it's time for a snack, not a meal! Eat some popcorn, some Mike and Ikes, but for God's sake, leave the hot dogs at home!
4. Stop kicking my chair. Now. Once, I'll overlook. Twice, I'll forgive. Third time and you're getting a glare.
5. Do not go to the movies if you're sick. Common sense says that if you have some disease in which you're coughing, vomiting, sweating profusely, feverish, gassy or even vaguely feeling nauseous, STAY AT HOME. The last place you need to be is crammed in a room with a hundred people in close quarters.

Thank you. You may now go back to your regularly scheduled movie.

Good night! :)