The 3 Step Approach To Spider Extermination Part 2

Now it's 4 steps.

As detailed by Eva, there is generally an intermediary step between Stomp and Swim. This step is explained below:

1. Spray: In order to properly exterminate a spider you need to ensure you have some way to disable said spider's movement. I find that hair spray does this most effectively. Extra strength Suave. It has great hold, but comes off most surfaces.
2. Stomp: This step is crucial. "Smash" may be substituted for "stomp" (SSS Approved Smashing Materials: shoes, books, binders, anything heavy that rolls, cups, glasses, plates but never, NEVER anything that involves touching the spider, even if it's through toilet paper). The key is making the first stomp or smash effective. There are several reasons for this. First, we're not into torture here. We want quickest, most painless end for our little arachnid. Secondly, the only thing worse than a spider crawling around your room is a half dead spider wiggling it's legs. Yuck. Make it a good stomp.
3. Scrape: This is the especially icky part. Generally by the time I get around to stomping, I'm so worked up that I go a little overboard. This leaves an unsightly mess. Beware. In your panic you may reach for anything, ANYTHING to remove the remains. Don't use important documents such as receipts, bank statements, cards from family members. I recommend about 30 squares of toilet paper.
4. Swim: How, you ask, does swimming become involved in the spider termination process? Well, you have to get rid of the body. I use the patented "Rush and Flush" method. This involves me putting the little body on any surface I can spare (without touching it, of course) and running as fast as I can to flush it down the toilet. One tip: don't run too fast. Those suckers are light and tend to have a lot of lift at high speeds.

Kids, remember the four "s": Spray, Stomp, Scrape and Swim and you'll be spider free!